I don't know what is worse: having an open mind but having heavy personal bias, or not having an open mind?

It sounds like both are the same, but actually I think I'm the former where I can take in advice but will never execute on them. "Where understanding is taking action" does not work in my case, since I won't take action anyways. And maybe that's why my life isn't much to talk about in the first place. Or I feel pressured to take action even.

If I started reading the smaller things in life as a joke and taking my life more seriously, then maybe things would have been different.

I'm saying this mainly because I'm in contrast of this statement, that I treat everything seriously apart from my life itself. Not going to bore anyone with life views here, but suffice it to say that might have struck me to, how should I say it, think that goals should be something worth working for.

Because I would never dampen the confidence in people who believe what wrong they do is fact.

And I'm not talking about just criminals in general, especially if they are an indirect moral choice, this can make little difference to people who think the world would forget about them. Whether it's for the disabled, the weak, the disadvantaged, heck, even exploiting one's weakness to sleep at night is a problem we all face today. With that, who knows if we're the ones to be brave enough to follow the right.

Maybe it is really hard to explain to others what it means to cringe on your own occult hobbies.

Maybe it is hard to explain to my new colleagues why I don't go to Japan and be a nerd. Maybe it is just me avoiding the culture of exploration and experience. But maybe also, is that I set that fence for myself so I don't look like a dork to others. Whatever it is, it might be stopping me from truly be into the stuff I like. Maybe.

Is it a sin to be protective against your own interests?

I think of that a lot, honestly. As I listen to the songs I like which people around me will never pick up, and I buy stuff normally people will despise and think it's a waste of money, but as I see people do the same thing and/or find a community which they can relate, I sometimes wonder if I've done this interests thing wrongly. Who cares, isn't it?

Somehow, gaining confidence isn't as easy as we would think. Because it typically involves throwing away our anxiety and fear.

I thought of this as I see myself and how I gained confidence to do anything in life alone. And somehow it always involved me not thinking too much about it that makes it start even though it may not end up as what you might have desired. But that's not the problem, you would've tried again, and even that takes more courage, which also means throwing the accompanying anxiety again. See? Attempts are an evil cycle.

We all know how to leave, but we don't because we do not know where to go.

I thought this is a good reminder for not just myself, but more like because in our own lives, the irony is that we only know how to go home. And some don't even have one to go back to. How they don't get anxiety over just this fact is amazing, let alone set sail to unknown grounds.

Oh well, maybe it's my turn.

The last thing we should do others is to crush their personality.

I thought of this when I was paying for the counter, and we have a missed order item that I also forgot, and they let out a laugh in apology. The point is, that if we show frustration for that laugh, it's training them to not laugh under these situations even though it might be meant for their own relief. Being like this may be being nice but, why not?

If every time you walk three steps out to explore new interests and then walk three steps back to center, then what is human character?

As I take in years of new songs of different genres, I keep asking myself did I go too far. I used to like classical music and even new age, but those slowly got replaced with popular culture. But then again, isn't that how you differentiate yourself from others? Having different interests for people to identify you as the xxx guy? We shouldn't regret stepping outwards, is probably what I can feel towards more.

If I have to think through my brain before I speak, there would be nothing for me to talk about.

Not because it's offensive, but it'll be a hard conversation to even start on. This is especially likely, I noticed, when you have to come up with something, or you just have a bad memory and the norm is that people remember more stuff than you do, and speaking about it otherwise makes you look like an idiot. I'll just keep my mouth shut then.

Life is great without choices. Because it sucks once you lose the ability to decide.

I mean, my mom is nothing to pity about. She's selfish, she sides her friends, she doesn't respect the family on any decisions or critique any of us might have. She's the mother though, and she still owns half the house, so if she wants to flip the house for renovation, not like me who has just started to work and gained some respect in the company can understand what it feels to not be listened when you cannot argue with your mother since she doesn't care.

That, I guess I'll live with to realise once I move up the corporate ladder eventually. Eventually.

I'll take my luck when I need it, not when I want it.

A little short summary about my life, I've been living in the edge. But unlike the edge everyone is living, mine is blessed to only be bad but never be the worst, and it paints many coincidences in my life. And I'm glad for it. I can lose in video games, but I will skin through my teeth in situations where I'll be better off with through fate. That, I'll take it when it happens.

In a world where most people do evil, there is no need for enlightenment.

Think about it. There is no need for enlightenment since you'll always get "duped" first lol. In this case I'm more referring to capitalism, where exploitation of the lack of knowledge of the people is your product's selling point. In an age where people don't know much about smart technology, for example, people will still buy a "smart" product even if it is probably going to make their lives more complicated or less helpful, to say the least. And I'm in it even though I know of technology and how useless it is today haha

Ugly things are ugly. It's better to leave them alone.*

That's what I thought when I saw how evil that one woman was in that Anime I just watched. Not because of evil, but the killing. And it's ugly, for sure. But that says a lot about everything in life too. Is that why I'm left alone? Then again I do that to people on the streets too, so... I need to think about this again to be honest.

*Inspired by me in Japanese:

「悪いものはニクイ。ほっといたほうがいいんです。」

(Nikui mono wa nikui. Hottoita hou ga i'in desi.)

I've not yet been satisfied from being recognised for my interests for me to think of others on what they are interested in.

Sorry if this sounds selfish, but maybe I think too much or I'll never get social people, but it seems like so. Social people tend to be who they are because they may have been satisfied over being recognised on their interests, say music tastes, that they can have capacity to like what others like. It's slightly different from what I thought as a kid that you might not be exposed yet so you're curious, but it might be a thirst for further exploration. What happens when you get what you want lol

Will we ever be able to rejoice over spending on commitments as much as we are on entertainment?

Really, think about it. Today I work a regular 9 to 6 job, get rather meagre pay, and it has to go to bills and my parents. So yeah, we all are barely leaving anything for only ourselves to spend, especially if we save. Sounds bad already, huh? But think about it otherwise. Why aren't we enjoying the days where your water and electricity doesn't get cut, you can use your mobile data, and parents can get some allowance after retirement? It might be more important than we think.

Embrace your imperfections and be swag about it.

That's what I felt when I saw a disabled midget on a wheelchair with sunglasses strolling down the pathway. Sometimes, you just have to be yourself despite whatever physical imperfections you may have. Mental ones too, but sometimes those might get to you before you can handle them. Regardless, being oneself is important, and be proud of who you are.

The worst thing about a party is that everyone feels happy to be in it and I don't.

I'll try not to rant too much on this, but call me antisocial or whatever because I hate parties. Especially when it's a bunch of people being happy when I either don't have the mood to be in it or I just don't like it. And to this, I feel a sense of hatred. And this will likely never go away. From events I'm forced to be in, to whatever is blasting loud music in my neighborhood park every single morning... I will never relate. Is peace this hard to achieve for a simple person like me? Is it really too much to ask? Don't tell me to blend in my the way I will slit your throat haha

Too bad, ambivalence is bliss. At least it'll keep us away from insanity.

Not that I'm referencing some arson of an animation studio, but yeah, sometimes when you go too deep that is what happens, and obsession becomes sanity. Not what actually happened, but it might be the case too. You know, those "for the love of something you gotta destroy it" or whatever. Hey, what do I know about cults. I only want to write a story in APoL haha we are far from that btw

Can we learn something without the purpose of applying it in society?

Think about it. And I'm not talking about learning it for fun. Many a times I learn new stuff eg. Programming languages only to enhance the stuff I do eg. Write blogs, create websites, and they do not pay. They do not contribute to society. No one knows this exists except a few. So does this make it feel like I'm wasting time doing what I like that doesn't pay off? I don't think so. It's still something to be proud of learning anyways.