To work is for passion, but passion is not for work.

It's an irony isn't it? People keep saying out there that you should have passion on the work you do, but knowing that isn't enough especially when you have your livelihood ie. your salary on the line. And that is assuming most of us in the workforce, if you are a freelancer or even a business owner you would also have the passion, but the purpose of that would be different. And that just brings us back to why when we do anything with a passion often associated as a known hobby, we don't do it for the sake of earning money. They just can't simply coexist even in the ones that supposedly can, like illustrators. There will be that line, and I just hate that it exists.

The solution? I hope that you are passionate in more than one thing that can put money on the dining table.

People don't just simply change their character accordingly. They typically suppress their character by keeping up a front and/or be uncomfortable around people who tell them what to be.

And then they just change their environment by leaving. Feels familiar yet?

Well, for me though, I just stay and ignore everything which is also rather unprofessional and unexpected as a human in society, you then realize what I just wrote is basically an irony in itself because that is also what will change you, unwillingly. So yeah, what defines us again? I don't think I will ever get this part about life.

Learn to give the same reactions towards things that went well and when they aren't, whatever those reactions are.

It might be ridiculous to like, appreciate things when they go right, or even not have any reaction when things go wrong. It's understandable to have to react to stuff nowadays, that's how the Internet works anyways. But the bias towards criticism is really going so much sideways compared to the praise given out there... Maybe it's our problem for not reacting appropriately to the occasion, is all I can imagine how this world works, to be frank.

And it's not because I'm old I have been old since I graduated elementary school lol

Either our lives are under the decisions made by someone, or we make the decisions and ruin the lives of everyone else.

And that's why the world has to be evil. It's totally Darwinian, and hear me out. Even me not writing this part here is a good example that we cannot be good just to make everyone happy, we make very selfish choices that make us think we are evil, and we are. How do you think the homosapiens survived and had the smartest brains of all ape-kind? And now we are protecting all the idiots that were supposed to be killed long time ago through evolution? Pft, no wonder we are our own enemy.

P.S. I'm sure I wrote here in my personal space on the Internet instead of in Bluesky so I don't have to be evil and offend anyone out there. Think about it.

What if life doesn't want to give you what you want? Then what do you do?

I am reminded of this reality from a YouTube video I just watched, more on the female side of things. She wanted to meet up with someone (a dude), but ended up just getting ignored over time. I feel like the people I like will do this to me, even if as time passed, they are alone or even just I want to be with the people I want. And that's why life is hard. I dare not try my luck anytime soon despite having done so in the past.

Some things are just not meant to be.

Correcting yourself to majority opinion doesn't make you any better, you know.

I thought of that as I think of when I liked a new Anime series I watched so far that had a terrible review score. Many would have chosen to side the majority and think it's bad already, but even at this point halfway through the season I still enjoyed it, even if it's the minor details or something within I cannot describe. Maybe it's because the hatred for mainstream that got me to where I am now, but hey, everything exists for a reason, and this is essentially art, so there is no right or wrong. Just, good or bad works, as society decides.

Well, back to writing that "Under Ninja" review!

Opportunities might only happen once. Hop on first, one can always bail later.

Okay I say this not because you should hop on the next scam trend, but I meant this just in general, so you don't have regrets not joining even if it's just an invite to an online community, just like I did. I recall back to when someone talked to me in an Anime forum (my first), and they invited me to their Discord channel. I said I don't use my account often, and that was the last I heard of them. Now I live in regret for not even trying and maybe leaving if I didn't like it.

Oh well, there's always next time...?

Why argue with people about your preferences when it's subjective?

I think of that every time I talk to my friends about the Anime I watch and how they like to find out the source material for an ending when I don't, and it kind of ruins the experience of that adaptation for me? What can I do? It's not like I should stop them for what they are, but it's also annoying to think that people don't think our prefer stuff like you do. Call me coccult, call me niche, but that is also why I don't like popular media in the first place, that I may have a different opinion than others. Well, for music probably is ok if we like the same stuff since feels can't be specified, but stories can. And that's where it hurts in opinion, literally.

What if I told you, my mind has always been living on the gray area?

I recently subscribed to a design newsletter thanks to a tech newsletter I have been subscribing to via email. From there and many more articles later, I realized that reading these articles made me want to do design and art instead of all this science stuff with programming and technology which has been my career so far. What if, and what if I say, I could be recognized for the other side of the spectrum? I am unsure, because and just because, I have a mind for both sides, regardless if it's a problem or not.

In the end, we just aren't benevolent enough to be with others unless we have reasons to.

Okay, this is definitely not the same as helping people out, hear what I have to say first. I thought of this because think of the many times, and let's use school as example, that say someone could've walked with you to school in the morning. And of course I'm putting the assumption that there are eligible classmates or acquaintances, if you arrive on a car I'm pretty sure youf family is rich lol. Nonetheless, if the simple action of walking with someone else would make someone happy, then I wonder why I've only walked to school alone. All. This. Time.

Sorry for the rant though! My childhood isn't the best out there so...

War has always been about humans. If we remove humans from the war, then that will be the world's biggest problem.

I think of this as I watched a video about Oppenheimer by Veritasium on YouTube. He was the only person who regretted making the atomic bomb. About its impact on nature but more importantly, about its impact on innocent life. Not to dabble on politics, but war initially started as a conflict with humans. We started with our bare hands, then tools, then removing the humans from the equation. With that, we feel less and less remorse on the damage we do to other because the other side feels the same. 

Is it war that will end conflicts? If so, I'd rather it was done by hurting each other physically facing eye to eye, than it be done by a man-made chemical reaction that no one can see.

I don't think I will ever be able to go back to theatre, even if I'm surrounded by people I know or am even interested in romantically.

The entertainment industry in a nutshell, isn't it? *laughs* I just watched a musical rehearsal video (in Japanese, content not important) and am reminded on the days where I was 10 and was heavily involved in the kids performance ensemble in my area. My mom brought me in to build up my courage and despite my allegiance to faithfully attend the lessons and join in the activities for a good 3 years, I fell victim to the biggest obstacle I've yet faced back then in my life: love. Well, specifically acting with women, as I am to perform a piece which I recalled isn't romantic, but is with a female I think senior, whom I was interested in. I could not being my hetero male self to act my part, and I told my mom I want to quit and started to skip the weekly sessions. I have not admired live performances ever since.

I don't know, put Isobe Karin in when I was in that performance group and ask me if I want to quit again. *giggles*

If you can't save me, at least don't try to indirectly kill me with your words.

I feel like all Asian parents should try to understand this haha okay jokes aside though, this is merely me thinking about the mental health of kids whose parents have no idea they were suffering from them because they got over it, and thus think their kids can too in today's modern society. So yeah, maybe leaving us to emotion alone might be the best way in this case.

Maybe it's because of lazy programming, but I have become ambivalent to the process of practicing a skill.

Is that a bad thing? Haha as I see people learn of a skill, prepare for the things in front of them while I toil on trial and error, relying on the debugger to tell me what's up... Maybe I am getting complacent to learning.

Hmm I should not think too much into that I need to exercise my brain more.

Sometimes in life it really boils down to what to accept: the wrong attitude or lower standards.

I see that in that mediocre presentation at work where no one cared, to the courtesy people lack on public transport, and I can only ask myself someone of my level whether to take either as a way of living. To live with people of a negative attitude demotivates you indirectly while living in your comfort zone, and having higher standards means living to the expectation of others stronger of your kind. Either way, it sucks that we have to choose one of them for most of us.

It's hard to find inner peace nowadays in society.

You can choose to do things alone when totally ignore your world around you, and never get the opportunity to come back.

You can't say you are tired when you actually are due to your own circumstances.

You can only talk about such problems to someone that is a certified professional.

What is society even? Sometimes, I just desire for a nicer world.

The most disapponting feels people can give you is when they have a weaker reaction to the same thing than you.

Let's not talk about the consequences of such conversations it's just awkward anyways, but thinking about this and that is probably why people like others to listen to them then otherwise. And this, listening ears are more appreciated. Not that they don't have anything to talk about, but to avoid your disappointment they will listen to the heck out of you and agree on stuff they can. To, you guessed it, avoid such disappointment. Think about it.

Maybe that's the point; Maybe I just don't see the personality in myself.

I see that as I look at my profile picture and am recently reminded to take more passport sized photos for official purposes. Just a little, even just a little, do I see myself looking like anyone else living a normal life. But it is also so, that I do not care or are already hopeless on my image, which probably made this a lot harder to swallow for the people around me including myself. Maybe it's time to re-evaluate myself.

Don't you hate it that we all have freedom of speech but I am wrong just because the way I convey is not up to standard?

I think about how some people out there will think articulation is vital in conveying information but the reality is that language is hardly a standard and we all violate language rules here and there, but people can still understand us. Trust me, I had rough English lessons where teachers try hard to teach me what sentence structure means. And until I care, I'll write and/or speak however I like, honestly. So don't mind me, fellas.

We can only get sadder; this isn't Paradise, after all.

I feel like this is rather appropriate in defining what life is, but do I sound cynical even saying it this way. But hey, you can think however you want, if it ain't your thing it might be to others, and that's where we draw the difference in society.